Backtrack
by Glass Vial
Summary: What happens when, just before all is said and done, a certain blue box arrives on the scene? Again, co-written with Danny - mainly because, like so many others, Danny was unhappy with the direction that Torchwood: Children of Earth took!
1. Prologue

AN from Danny: Like it says, this is an alternate ending to Torchwood Season 3 - completely ignoring episode 5 cause I never even saw it - because I, like most people, wasn't happy with the direction it went. I enlisted Ellie to help (and couldn't be bothered making an FF account, which is why this is on hers), and I brought the Doctor into it too, just for more fun. We don't own any of the characters, or any of the backstory, but everything else is ours ;). The prologue is a little short, but there we go!

* * *

The irony of the situation took no more than a second to dawn on us. How in our moments of greatest loss we simultaneously make the greatest gains. But are those moments really bittersweet or just a gift we're too resentful to accept?

As the whooshing, whirring noises began, also bringing with them a sudden, artificial wind, we knew our one last saviour had arrived. But I didn't want him to save me, nor did I care if he helped anybody else either for that matter. Oh, I should have, for the protection of this world I'd finally come to call home was a duty I was honour bound to keep. But they say that home is actually where the heart is, and if that was truth, my heart and home were already long gone, along with the most beautiful, amazing, courageous, loving (and many other words that either don't yet exist or are too numerous to list) man I'd ever had the privilege to know.

The tragedy seemed set in stone, and yet I could feel the mutable force that was about to pass into this world & time, coming just a day too late to provide any sort of comfort for my soul (if I had one that is.) And oh how I could have hated the man that stepped out of the blue police call box that manifested just then as if out of nothing but air. I could have, and I would have, if my regrets weren't all my own. After all, in the end, who is there ever to blame but ourselves?


	2. Chapter 1

The air settled, and I braced myself for the two possible greetings I was about to get. The first was relentless optimism and the belief that he could fix this in the blink of an eye, whereas the second was annoyance - I could see him now, reverting back to the 'lone survivor' attitude he'd had when I'd first run into him; I could see him scolding me for letting things get this bad, like a teacher would scold an unruly child (although the irony of that would be the fact that I'm now beating him on the age thing by a considerable number of years). I hoped to God that it would be the latter.

He emerged from the box, and his eyes darted around the room only to settle on me.

"What happened?" It was odd that I couldn't tell which reaction I was getting out of him. There was a kind of odd detachment in his voice.

"You mean the all-knowing Time Lord doesn't know what's happening to his precious planet Earth?" I muttered, knowing in my heart that I shouldn't take this out on him. But it made it easier if I did. I'm pretty sure he heard me, but chose to ignore it.

"TARDIS landed me here. I didn't program it, didn't ask it too. Just looked at the monitor and here I was." He narrowed his eyes slightly. "So go on, what's happened?"

I explained about the 456, being encased in concrete and all that happened from Monday to Wednesday in what had been the single most draining week of my many years on Earth with what is best described as ease. The first three days - yes, including telling him about Alice and Steven - now paled in comparison to the most recent turn of events.

***

I saw the frightened look upon his face, and knew that what was mirrored in mine had to be far worse. Panic edged along the inside of my mind and words, barely incomprehensible to me, came pouring out, in nothing but a stream of worry.

"We've gotta get you out of here, I can survive anything, but you; you can't."

"It's too late, I've breathed in."

"There's got to be something; There's got to be an antidote"

I could barely recognise my own choked up voice; The words getting tangled together in a nearly incomprehensible mess. It scared me almost as much as the realisations that were slowly seeping forward into my conscious mind. I almost never lost my cool, or at least, I never showed it. It was my greatest strength, and sometimes my greatest weakness, if only for what I gave up to have so strong a guard.

"You said you would fight" the alien voice challenged me, but the monotony of it, showed no emotion towards the death of my beloved, let alone everybody else in the building. It just served to add rage to the list of adjectives I was building to describe the condition of my slowly cracking heart.

"Then I take it back; I take it all back, but not him. No, no, no, no, NO, Ianto!" My body trembled as I stuttered and screamed out, knowing once and for all what I'd been too afraid to admit to him even though I needed to all along.

I would have sacrificed anything for him. And now it was too late.

I can't remember much from those moments, except my heart racing, thousands and thousands of things I'd left unsaid jamming to get out all out once. But the sheer weight of it all colliding in my mind with the reality of the situation left me with no more words, and barely any breath. But oh, not like him.

I clutched his nearly lifeless body as if he were a baby doll, and stared into his eyes, that despite all the pain glittered with nothing but what I knew to be love. He had always loved me in the most beautiful way possible: giving everything of himself and asking nothing in return. I just wished now that I had shown him that I did in fact love him just the same.

"It's all my fault."

The words echoed inside my head, and I hoped that he could hear all their reverberations that I was feeling now in every bone, corner, and crevice of my body. Not just that I shouldn't have taken him in there with me, knowing that something like this could happen, and still just armed with nothing but my silent prayers to back us up. No, of course I knew that it had been an awful mistaken plan, but that was the last thing I thought when I whispered to him.

No, instead my mind shot to the thoughts of the conversation we had had just earlier that day.

"I've only just scraped the surface haven't I?"

"That's all there is."

"No, you pretend that's all there is."

His words had hurt then, but only because they were the closest thing to the truth I had ever heard. I had always been afraid to show him who I really was, hiding all the bad away under lock and key like that could, and would, make it go away, disappearing into thin air. But the problem is it was never that simple, and now he was the one being made to pay for my stupid past mistakes, caught in the trap of half-lies I had built for him throughout our whole fatal relationship.

I used to think I had to play the strong man around him, no all of them, the whole team, fearing that if I showed them that I didn't have all the answers, let alone all the courage, they'd get lost along the way. But I never stopped to think that I needed help too. And that sometimes I needed to let people in.

"And just so you know I have a daughter named Alice and grandson named Steven, and Frobisher took them hostage yesterday."

I had been such an asshole at times too, just like that, using my situation to prove that I had the right to do all of those bad things, and more. Pushing him away with the sheer uncaring I tried to portray in my voice. It was all just an act. It was like I used what I used to have to tell him he was nothing special; but he was. He was all that and more. My beautiful Ianto.

My beautiful Ianto dying in my arms.

And so it was my fault.

Maybe it wasn't totally my fault that he was dying, but I could never take back all the good times we should of and would have had had I just let us be a proper couple. I mean, I didn't even let him be happy about the fact that we were together, telling him stuff about how I hated the word couple, and just making the ice that held us together thinner and thinner with each step we took. A part of me did it just so that he could save us when we fell down, but... dare I say it now. Just suffice it to say that I was selfish, and nothing but a fool.

But as he whispered "No," I knew for once that I couldn't argue. Let him believe what he wanted in that moment. Instead I just told him to hold his breath. I wanted; no needed, to feel it against me for so much longer than I knew we had.

Our eyes were both about to overflow from tears as he said the words I wish I had the courage to say.

"I love you"

I had never heard him say them like that. Sure, he had always let me known, but the anguish and heartache and love that burned like a supernovae in every syllable of just those short words threatened to tear me apart right then and there. I had never given him enough credit, even when I did try. And I didn't deserve him, but I needed him still so much.

"Don't."

I didn't mean to not say it, cause I needed to hear that then more than anything. It was just that everything in my mind was mixing and mashing until it spewed out in all the wrong order, and I meant to say "Don't go"

"Ianto, stay with me. Ianto, stay with me, please? Stay with me, stay with me, Please!" I put every ounce of my strength into those cries, as if the god that long forgot about me would be woken up inside my heart just then and answer all my prayers. I knew it was a hopeless cause, but anything was worth it to try.

I loved him.

I really did.

"It was good yeah?"

"yeah," I said, putting on a fake smile of confidence through the blur of tears. I knew it wasn't long now, and that was the only response I knew to use in the face of sheer terror. I had practiced it for far too long.

"Don't forget me."

"Never could"

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry or both at that moment at the sheer silliness of those words. As if I could ever forget my beautiful Ianto. We had had our rough patches, and I had never been quite open enough with him, but in some moments he was all that mattered. I never told him, but he was what kept me going. Through the good and the bad and the in between. Even when Owen and Tosh had died before him, I had barely kept my sanity by having his body to hug and his heart to beat in tune with. So what would I do now?

"A thousand years away you will remember me?"

"Yes, I will. I promise, I will;" The one promise I knew I'd always keep.

"Ianto; IANTO, Don't go. Don't leave me, please, please, please. Don't." My voice crackled with hysteria and my sanity crumbled as I felt his body take it's last breaths and collapse into my own.

It was too late, but I kissed him just one last time, hoping that some not too far gone shred could feel or at least see the passion and care I put into every motion, every breath. It was like no other kiss I'd ever given him, or anybody for that matter. I poured the remnants of my dying soul into his hollow shell, speaking what words could never, even begin to say, and I felt my breathes begin to leave me too.

I held him as close as possible, cradled like a child against my too broken frame, and for once I decided to pretend that I too could die for real, instead of just waking up to another day.

The truth is, I'd have given up anything then for even that one small consolation.

Because eternity is much too long to live without the man that I adore.

***

Recounting that to him - the man who, along with a shop-girl from London, had either directly or indirectly (I'd stopped caring which) landed me here in the first place - made me realize just how stupid I could be when it came to Ianto. I should have done so many things differently - told him, _actually_ told him that I loved him; Should have stopped him entering that room with me...

I chanced a look at the Doctor's eyes. I knew he had, until I'd mentioned the fact that the only man - the only _person_ I could ever feel that strongly for had entered that room with me, been about to turn down the 'teacher scolding child' road. I also knew that he thought I was a complete and utter fool.

How did I know that? Because that's exactly what I felt like. A heartbroken, complete and utter fool.

* * *

_[Beginning and ending of this chapter written by Ellie. Middle section - obviously with lines of dialogue taken directly from the episode, written by Danny]_


	3. Chapter 2

What happened next should have infuriated me, but I was much too stunned to do anything but stand glued to my spot. The Doctor had begun to laugh!

"Wait. Let me get this straight. Oh, this is brilliant!" He gasped in between giggles. "The TARDIS brought me here just to save you from your own broken heart? And here I thought you didn't even have proper relationships?"

That last comment made me wince as it reminded me once again of just how special Ianto had been in my unnaturally long life. The Doctor was right; I had never been one to become attached to anyone, instead much preferring one night stands to any sort of lasting ordeal, and wasn't this the exact reason why? I could have almost laughed too to think of how pointless it was to live forever when death always followed on your heels, never content until it destroyed anything you even thought about growing to love. Wasn't that why I had been alone for so long? I had always felt that whoever had claimed it was "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" was a fool. And so I had guarded myself against heartbreak for so long that its sudden presence made me feel at least as alien as the man standing before me.

However, as I collected these realizations, I noticed the Doctor's face contort until it once again bore a much more serious look. It obviously was not just an overactive imagination on my part that made me feel as if I was standing there wide-eyed and open-jawed in disbelief. Either that or the Doctor had actually learned to be somewhat empathetic since the last time we had saved the world together.

Only this time it felt like there was hardly anything left to save.

My mind was making increasingly futile attempts to reconcile how I had allowed myself to become such a hopeless mess and I could feel my sanity finally breaking away. Oh, I knew I couldn't be angry at him because the Doctor only told the truth, just like he always somehow knew everything without ever having to be told. Perhaps the list of all too unusual abilities he possessed included telepathy, and he just liked to pretend that that wasn't so. At any rate, it was obvious that I was letting my emotions get the better of me, and so the lecture he was now beginning to give as he finally did in fact slip into teacher mode only echoed the thoughts racing through the last intact slivers of my mind.

"Jack, what's happened to you? You were never one to let your emotions pull you apart at the seams. But, from what you told me, it sounds like that has been your problem this whole time. And I don't just mean after you lost your lover. For which I am so sorry, even if I don't show it right." I was surprised at the level of sincerity that entered his voice as he nearly whispered those words in a gentler tone than I had ever known he could possess. The collective force of it all battled to replace my anger with an empty pit of guilt. For in all the albeit short time he had been here I had forgotten the most important thing about the Doctor. Sure, he was a Time Lord. Sure, he was sometimes harsh with me. Sometimes he even drove me crazy with his alien sentimentalities that could be one of the few things that reminded me just how very far from human he really was. But through all of that, and no matter how much I held it against him at times like this, he always had and would be my dear friend.

"I... I don't know, but isn't there anything you can do? I know I wasn't fair to him before, but I'd do anything even just to see his smiling face once more." I nearly sobbed, having let go of my fear of vulnerability in the face of such possibilities.

But I saw him frown and simply shake his head in response, and I knew that my arguments were meaningless. Anger once again struggled to the forefront of my conscious thoughts making me afraid that I would finally go completely insane. Maybe he was my friend, but what use was he if even just this once he couldn't use his precious TARDIS to help save me?

"We both know I can't take that risk," he continued, "I'll do everything in my power to save your family, and of course I won't let the Earth be destroyed, but the consequences of such an action would be much too great."

I had barely let him finish when I snapped back in a fit of passion. "Of course you wouldn't help me; You don't understand that some things are in fact worth any risk, no matter how great. But when have I ever known you to understand something as human as love?"

I knew as soon as the words flew from my mouth that I shouldn't have put voice to such thoughts, but if I wasn't completely shocked before, what I received in response nearly floored me. For the first and probably only time I would ever know of, the Doctor let a single tear roll down his face just to splatter in an imitation of what I felt in the shards of my heart. When he finally spoke again, the words came out slow and shaky, as if just willing himself to take breaths in between had become a tough task. "A time lord's life is full of pain and loneliness, Jack. I've lost people so important to me that you could barely imagine it. Rose is in another universe for fucks sake, and I loved her; I loved her, but you know what the worst part is? I never could have told her that without risking far worse than just her. But you had that choice with Ianto and what did you choose? Don't blame me for your regrets. We all have them, but we learn to forgive ourselves. We learn to move on and from those ashes we pick ourselves up and grow stronger."

* * *

_[Danny]  
_


	4. Chapter 3

I stared at him for a moment, unblinking. Then, quietly I replied with:

"So maybe you should take your own advice, Doctor. 'We learn to forgive ourselves' - when have you _ever_ forgiven yourself, for anything? You might think I'm an idiot, but I can see that you still see everything that's happened to Rose as your fault. And not just her, either. Everyone who's travelled with you over the years, if they end up hurting or..." I faltered. "Or worse you blame yourself and you never let anyone tell you that it's not all down to you. So before you start telling me to move on, maybe you should consider that yourself."

We regarded each other. It was never easy when we were together these days. After all, thanks to Miss Tyler I can't die, which doesn't exactly agree with the Doctor's view of how the universe works. Plus, sometimes he can come across as a pompous git. We were both incredibly different, but we'd seen and experienced things that bonded us together whether we liked it or not.

"You're not wrong." He admitted, a look of distinct uncomfortableness on his face. "But Jack, you know I can't use the TARDIS to change any of that." I was sure I heard him add 'as much as I might want to' under his breath, but I didn't comment.

"I know. If you can't do it for your entire race, you can't do it for anything." I sighed.

"But I can save Alice and Steven." It felt like a kind of peace-offering between us, which felt odd. I didn't get a chance to take him up on it, though.

"Jack -!" Gwen stopped in her tracks, and we both looked over at her. She gaped at the Doctor, and I remembered the incident with the webcam.

"Eyes back in your head, Gwen." I reprimanded her softly, and she looked at the floor in embarrassment. "Doctor, Gwen Cooper. Gwen Cooper, the Doctor." I smirked despite myself as he stood up and shook her hand.

"Well done with that Dalek." He smiled at her.

"Y-You remember that?" She was gaping again. I gave up.

"Wasn't that long ago." He laughed. "Right. So. Saving the world, then." He avoided looking at me.

"You're helping us?"

"That's what he does." I stood up, walking to stand with them. "Just like us." Something crossed my mind. "Is Rhys still safe?"

"Yeah." Her face softened at the mention of him, and I felt a pang inside of me. Gwen and Rhys were what Ianto and I - and even, thinking about it, Owen and Tosh or the Doctor and Rose - were never allowed to have.

"Who's Rhys?" The Doctor frowned.

"He's my husband." It may have just been me, but she sounded rather reluctant to admit that to him. I decided to add my two cents.

"And the father of her unborn child." The look I gave her made her get the message.

"Oh, well," He was never comfortable with domestic situations. "Congratulations to the two of you." His eyes met mine again. "If you don't have any objections, I'd quite like to come up with a plan in the relative safety of the TARDIS."

"Lead the way." I gestured.

"...What's a TARDIS?" Gwen asked. It was clear that not being in the loop annoyed her. The Doctor headed towards the Police Box, and I followed him. "What, in _there_?"

* * *

_[Ellie]_


	5. Chapter 4

As we stepped into the TARDIS, I saw a look of sheer amazement and bewilderment glistening upon Gwen's now ever wider (if that was possible) eyes. She spun slowly around, attempting however futilely to reconcile what now lay before her with the image of what lay on the outside. So, she stepped back out, most likely to ascertain that what she saw was not mere illusion, and that yes, the box that looked as if it would be an extremely tight squeeze for the three of them was indeed practically a mansion on the inside! Returning to where the Doctor and I could once again see her, she slumped down onto . . . well, like most things in the TARDIS the object was totally incongruous amongst everything else, and it's purpose a complete mystery to anybody except it's owner, so I suppose you could just refer to it as a box.

She rested her head in her hand out of an exhaustion created through disbelief. "Well, that's bloody well impossible! I . . . It's . . . We shouldn't even fit! I mean . . . Look at this!" She stuttered, stretching out her arms at that last statement.

I wasn't too concerned, knowing this to be the standard reaction of most travelers the Doctor invited in to his makeshift home-away-from-his-now-destroyed-home. After all, Rose had relayed a very similar story to me in one of the many conversations that we shared whenever the Doctor was too absorbed in thought or something much too technical to be of any consequence, let alone meaning, to us. So, I let the Doctor brush it aside to offer the simplest explanation or lack there of, as the case most likely would be.

"Right. Like I already explained, if you were in fact listening, this here is the TARDIS. T. A. R. D. I. S. Stands for Time and Relative Dimensions in Space. It's kinda like . . . Oh what am I saying, you wouldn't get all that technical mumbo jumbo anyway. Humans and those thick heads of theirs, the lot of them." He gave me a wink as he rambled, obviously carefully timed so that Gwen would miss the hint. She didn't notice, and instead glared indignantly our way. Unable to contain myself, I chuckled slightly, which served to apparently raise Gwen's annoyance level just that much more. If I didn't know any better with her, the reaction would have made me laugh that much more.

"Oh I'm sorry, that was harsh, wasn't it? I told an old friend once that I was rude. Rude but not ginger, that's me. Although I still imagine I'd look quite nice with a head full of fiery red hair, don't you think?" He grinned cheekily, obviously enjoying riling Gwen up just a bit too much.

"But . . . I don't get it," she interjected, impatience flowing out of each syllable as she spoke. The Doctor could be just a bit too much when you were just getting to know him, but I figured now was as good a time as any for her to learn his personality quirks.

"What?" he replied back rather fast, mock confusion lacing his face.

"It's bigger on the inside, for one!" she nearly shouted in exasperation.

"And here I hadn't noticed. Well done Miss Cooper, traveling through time and space this whole time and you've finally made me open my eyes and take in my own home." His grin intensified, and I couldn't help smiling back at his overactive sense of sarcasm.

However, Gwen's eyes just bugged out once more at this statement. "Travel through time? . . . Wait . . . You mean . . .?"

I could see the wheels of her mind turning, about to dump her off at the same spot I had been with the Doctor just before. Sensing the conversation thus becoming serious once more, I frowned her way and softly said, "No Gwen, there's nothing he can do. Ianto's gone, and we're just gonna have to learn to cope."

If I could have taken the sheer heartache and lack of hope that I saw reflected in her face just then and multiplied it by a million, I know it would have been a small puddle next to the ocean of despair that was still threatening to drown me even as I spoke those words. In truth, I couldn't imagine how we could even begin to pick up the pieces and move on there.

* * *

_[Danny]_


	6. Chapter 5

There was silence in the TARDIS - well, silence apart from the creaks and groans the ancient ship made even when it was still. The Doctor looked vaguely uncomfortable, which I suppose is understandable. He possessed more compassion than most, but faced with a situation like this its no wonder it momentarily escaped him. His expression changed, though, as he made a decision.

"Let's focus on what we _can_fix for now, hey?" There was a gentleness to his voice that I expected was there for Gwen's sake more than mine (although I'd never admit that a part of me wanted him to have put it there for me as well). "I need you both to tell me everything you possibly can about what's been going on while I've been away."

"While we're on the subject, where exactly _have_you been?" I frowned at him.

"Stranded in an alien desert on a bus originally headed for Brixton, London, fighting off giant flies." He replied matter-of-factly. Gwen just gaped at him again, and he smiled. "Believe me, that's not the weirdest thing that's happened to me Gwen."

"I don't think I even want to know." She shook her head slightly.

"You probably don't."

The conversation moved towards the imminent threat of the 456 - including Earth's original encounter with them that I'd previously glossed over . . .

"Of course, this isn't the first time they've been here." Gwen had looked across at me at that point, and the Doctor narrowed his eyes.

"Oh really?"

"There was that time in the sixties . . ." She trailed off as the Time-Lord turned to look directly at me.

"Something you'd like to tell me, Jack?"

I'll admit that the reason I skipped over that particular part of the story the first time I told him was because I'm ashamed of what I did. But it was those twelve children or the entire planet, and I knew that when given an ultimatum like that he'd have done the same thing.

Of course, what he wouldn't do was admit that.

"I didn't think anything you could do would actually disgust me, Jack Harkness." His eyes were cold, and contained a kind of horror I'd rarely seen.

We argued then, with Gwen making cautious attempts to calm the both of us down. That's the problem with me and the Doctor - when we don't see eye to eye, we have no qualms in pointing out where we think the other has gone wrong.

Gwen's pleading worked, eventually, and once we'd both been reduced to glaring at each other she added her view.

"Doctor, I'm . . . Not gonna pretend I understand a lot of what's happened between you two - or really anything _about_ you and what you've been through personally - but when the 456 first came people needed you and you weren't here. It fell to Jack to make that decision and its all very well and you can say you disagree with it all you like, but surely you know how hard that decision must have been to make? And what good arguing with him about it now going to do, hm? We need to focus on what's happening _now_ - what's going to happen in a few hours if we can't stop it."

* * *

_Ellie_


	7. Chapter 6

The Doctor turned his head slightly to fix the glare he had previously been giving me towards Gwen, in his way of saying that he didn't actually appreciate her opinion. It also more than likely signified that he knew she was right, but didn't want to admit that either. This belief of mine was corroborated when he sighed and, resignation tainting his voice, muttered, "Yeah, what's done is done I guess, huh?"

"Look, Doctor," I spoke, the guilt-induced tears I had been holding back throughout the narration of that tragic tale now welling up in the edges of my eyes. "I had to do something then, and I took the only path that seemed available to me. I knew that terrible mistake for what it was as soon as I made it, and if I could have taken it back right then and there, I would have in a heartbeat. But neither of us can bring those children back anymore than we can anybody else. Instead, let's learn from my stupidity and make sure that nothing like that happens again." The somber looks that both the Doctor and Gwen had adapted as I began quickly mutated as determination instead coloured their demeanors.

"Alright then!" The Doctor replied, his trademark self-assured smile returning to its rightful position on his face. "I'm assuming the people actually making the decisions around here weren't in the room with..." I heard him catch himself mid-sentence, having almost said _Ianto and you_ instead. He quickly resumed, however, not relishing a return to the awkward mood we had just fought through. "... the 456. They'd be bloody stupid diplomats if they all walked straight into the slaughterhouse like that. Although, I suppose I shouldn't put it past you lot, either."

Gwen once again visibly tensed up at his not-so-tactful references to humanity's shortcomings, but she quickly regained her composure and responded, "No, they had only one representative present, and the rest were viewing the scene from a safe distance through live video. Any decisions made were theirs. We had a spy amongst them... but..." She trailed off with obvious guilt.

"Is that how you knew what was happening?" The Doctor asked in the tone of obvious intrigue he acquired whenever his mind was racing to put together piece after piece and thereby formulate an action plan. "How did you guys communicate? Can we still make contact?"

This time it was my turn to interject, "No, She made a sacrifice for us, and has since been arrested for government espionage. We could more than likely find out where she's being held though." I said this last bit mostly in case the Doctor should harbour a harsh view of these also necessary actions that we took.

However, I was pleasantly surprised when he inquired, "And do you think she'd still help us?"

"She'll need some persuasion," I pessimistically replied. But, I didn't want to turn down his plans completely, so I added, "I do believe she would desire to, though. We simply have to convince her that we'll look after her is all."

"Right," he said, his grin once again stretching from ear to ear. It was inconceivable to me how even in the bleakest of situation like this he could always muster up enough hope to still look almost joyful whilst I struggled not to collapse into a mire of despair. Then again, I often wondered if in those moments he was viewing the future, the victory he could apparently almost taste invigorating him anew. I wished at that moment that I could have trusted that we would in fact reach that happy ending, even though I knew it could only have been a consolation prize in light of everything else. "Gwen, get me that information pronto," he continued, "and Jack, you and I need to figure out a way to convince these representatives that the future of humanity depends on them not giving up the children."

I shook my head, a frown fusing into my features both at knowing that I should stay and at the task that I was about to accept as my duty. "I have another obligation. I'm sorry, but I've already put it off for too long. I'll meet up with you two again soon enough. In the mean time, you can use the comm to inform me of your progress and any help that may be needed."

Gwen quickly turned my way, a small amount of anger seemingly bubbling up within her as she interrupted with, "What's so vital that you're leaving us now of all times Jack? Sure you know how dangerous our present situation is, so stay here and protect us! Isn't that your job?"

I struggled to maintain my composure and not let sorrow overtake me once again as I nearly mumbled, "I have to inform Ianto's family of the bad news, that's all. You're usually be the first to agree with me on matters like this."

Gwen's demeanor softened slightly with the compassion she did in fact hold for me, however much she attempted to conceal it as time like this. Still, she refused to relent, stating, "You're not in the right state of mind to do that. You're a wreck, and you can't even help yourself when it comes to him, let alone bring comfort to anyone else. Let me do it."

I shook my head, not willing to give this one up. "No, Gwen, what happened was entirely my fault, and so this is something I really must deal with along. If either of you ever want me to even begin to forgive myself for this, let me receive their forgiveness first." I knew even as I said it that that would mostly likely not be the case, but it would have served to at least somewhat lessen my guilt, for whatever good it would have done me. "Besides, not only does the Doctor need you here, but you said yourself that it's dangerous out there, and you're pregnant! Let him protect you; I've already proven I can't do a good enough job myself."

She sighed, finally figuring out that I wasn't going to be dissuaded from my planned course of action whether she liked it or not. For what seemed like the thousandth time that day, another awkward silence engulfed the three of us. The Doctor, however, penetrated it this time, all too calmly stating, "Take care of them, and yourself, of course, Jack. We'll be fine here."

Gwen didn't look so assured, and I could have felt almost as awful for leaving her there as I did regarding what I was leaving to do. Not for the first time either, I wondered if I would ever reach a decision that resulted in something other than heartbreak in one of its various forms, be that guilt or just plain sorrow. And of that, I definitely didn't possess the ability to even convince myself.


End file.
